Photos in Bold: On the Road to Self
On the Road to Self
By Gabbie Douglas
My partner and I left our lives behind in Toronto, Ontario to drive across the Americas and begin the adventure of a lifetime in February 2024. We were seeking a change—yearning for freedom, simplicity and a deeper connection to the world. The four months leading up to the trip were spent planning and prepping, one could say rather chaotically—tearing the back seats from our Toyota Matrix to build a removable bed and searching the web for any and everything we could find to feel some semblance of readiness. We would soon learn that no matter how hard you plan for a trip like this, there is never a way to anticipate everything.
Our journey begins in Oakwood Village. Oakwood Espresso coffee sits in the car’s cup holder, our friends close the car’s doors for us, sending us off with a chorus of “good luck”s and snacks for the drive.
Our new chapter begins with a cross-Canada road trip in the middle of winter. It would be the first real opportunity for our home on wheels, Rusty, to show us what she’s made of.
Rusty, with her navy blue shell and streaks of rust, is small but mighty. She traverses freezing fog in -35 C through the prairies, snow squalls through British Columbia and gotten us through 13-hour nighttime drives, outrunning purple lightning storms. She takes us through forests in the States and along Highway 101, leading us to the warm bliss of Mexico’s west coast. With her resilience, Rusty even gets through one too many wrong turns down roads, as a non-four-wheel-drive car, she shouldn’t have ventured.
We enter Mexico from the States, where Google Maps leads us down “Highway 3,” a bumpy desert road where Rusty bottoms out.
Rummaging through the limited supplies from our vehicle, I grab our dinner plates, thinking they would serve as good shovels to dig the wheels out of the sand.
To my delight, a truck carrying locals comes bumping down the road and offers to help. In five seconds flat, we are back on solid ground. We offer them some beer as a thank you and continue on our way.
As we travel through Mexico, it dawns on us that the one month we gave ourselves to drive through the country wouldn’t cut it. There was so much to see and so much to process. The pace we had set for our life back in Toronto was exhausting and no longer serving us.
We decide to leave that lifestyle behind, as we discovered alternative ways to live.
We camp off the grid for four days at this beach oasis, Bahia de Tembo
We take our time and disconnect from technology camping on beaches, on top of volcanoes and beside ancient ruins.
Some days are only devoted to chores like laundry and dishes, water refills and garbage dumps. On these days we enjoy tending to Rusty, washing away the dirt she accumulated from treks through the desert.
When it’s time to leave a site, we pack up our bed, stow away our portable kitchen, and stuff our limited belongings into all of Rusty’s nooks and crannies.
On this day, I wash all of our laundry by hand and let it dry in the sun as my partner Alex gives Rusty a rinse. She deserved some love.
We swim in the ocean and get to know the locals for three nights here.
As each day shows us unfamiliar landscapes, a yearning for home, away from uncertainties, would creep in as I gazed out of my window. Fear’s present. I search for safety.
Entering a small town called Amatlan De Quetzalcoatl in Morelos, Mexico.
I have spent most of my life overwhelmed by my undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety whilst living in a society designed for the neurotypical. I yearned for a world that understood me and for an inner home that would ground me. I wanted this home to have soft cushions and lots of natural light. A home filled with relentless self-love and protection. A safe space that I could turn to in moments of fear.
Rusty brings me reassurance, but that emotional crutch was not a permanent solution—she’s a vehicle after all. Along my journey, I shift my gaze inwards in search of this retreat, but find only pieces of a fragmented home. Each collapse marks a moment when I had abandoned myself, when I had failed to value who I am, forcing myself to fit into a puzzle I just wasn’t the right shape for.
Now, living in a world defined by my own reality I think, what if I did it differently this time? What if I built this house the way I wanted to, not how I thought it should look?
In the confines of Rusty, I’m presented with an opportunity: to slow down, stop running and start building.
As we continue through Guatemala, Belize and El Salvador, we spend our days volunteering on farms and living with community. It was here that I maintained a commitment to meeting myself where I am and accepting myself for who I am. With each sunrise, I begin to lounge on those soft cushions and soak in the warmth of light. On our last night in El Salvador, we trudge our way to the top of a volcano to camp overlooking the countries that lay ahead of us.
Outside our car bed, just after the sun rises over the ocean on the Coast of El Salvador, next to Volcan Conchagua. The land poking out from the water is Nicaragua and Honduras.
In the morning, we sip our coffee and drink in the sun. As I look out the window, the unfamiliar isn’t so scary anymore—it is beautiful.
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Way to go Gabby …
Thoroughly enjoying your writing :) take care