White Squall Tim says GORP “tastes like chicken”

I get a lot of on-line newsletters associated with paddling sports sent to me. And I read most of them. Honest. But there’s one I truely enjoy when it pops ups in my email. It’s Tim’s from White Squall – an outfitting store based on the shores of Georgian Bay. Why do I like it so much…because…well…read for yourself and you’ll know right away. Tim is truely a unique person in the outdoor world and his newsletter sure is enjoyable.

Read on:

Hello out there…. This afternoon we unloaded 96 more orphaned boats and began tucking them in for the winter. As they climbed onto their racks, the little gaffers looked up forlornly and in a voice only another kayak could love, said – “hey timmer, can’t we go to some nice family now, instead of sitting on these cold wooden racks all winter….” They got to me, so I promised I would ask you kind folks if you could find it in your heart to take one of them home. They eat like sparrows and don’t backtalk – in fact I find they pretty much agree with whatever you say. Often on a cold Carling township night, I’ll wander out and just sit amongst them, talking about the day and the ways of the world. Kathy wants me to get therapy, but she just doesn’t understand. (My grandfather was deaf as a post and would sit in the chicken shed and talk to his girls for hours ….so I figure I come by it honestly) Best part is they sleep day and night – not bothering anyone, and whenever you want to go paddle – or just talk about the idea of it on a winter’s night, they’ll wake up and be ready with a big smile. So how ’bout it? You can see all their names at whitesquall.com From now until Christmas, we are offering a free pair of snowshoes with every one you take off our hands (think of the possibilities) If you can’t pick her up til springtime – no problem. We’ll tell your kayak about you, and I promise to give it special attention. We can send you a free boat model to put under the tree for Christmas if that helps! Oh yeah – and did you know that we have a 30 day “Best Price in Ontario” Guarantee as well as a no hassle return policy – so if the boat misbehaves, we’ll cheerfully take it back. We have a solid retraining programme for wayward yaks.

ps-if anyone wants to hear about our excellent staff adventure to the outer coast of Nootka Island, please let me know…..attn tim [email protected]

pps-we have killer beavers on our lake right now – instead of swimming away at the first sight of humans, they pick up speed and head towards us, teeth bared. They’re big suckers too – razing every tree in their path. Well ok, I’m exaggerating a wee bit….perhaps a lot? – but you gotta admire their tenacity in stocking up for the winter winds and ice. And onto other things…

Tim’s Tips!

Tip #1 When your kayak stays out til all hours – not doing homework and hanging around with jet skis….you’ve got a problem. It’s especially worrisome if she starts wearing short skirts. Try to talk to it – and if that doesn’t work, take it’s paddle away. If it won’t abide by your rules – you can send it to the White Squall Winter Retraining Camp for a mere $300./month By springtime – if it won’t go straight and turn when you want it to, we’ll keep it for another season at $400./month. By then it will be so on edge it will want to get away from us :) Hey, how can you go wrong.

Tip #2 Drysuits are a life saver – but they’re completely useless if you don’t look after them carefully. Keep the gaskets 303’d and the zippers lubed. Tammy Story reports that McNetts zipper lube is pretty awesome – you can also use an old beeswax candle. For winter storage, best to keep them away from air circulation where gaskets can oxidize and dry out – one trick is to hang them in a closet clean and dry. A friend of ours puts it in the freezer to slow down oxidation (hey, he’s a biology teacher) but be careful when you go to reach for the ice cream cause you don’t want to knock it – or bye bye gaskets.

White Squall Paddling Centre, 53 Carling Bay Rd., Nobel, ONP0G 1G0 (705-342-5324)[email protected]://www.whitesquall.com White Squall Town Store19 James St. Parry Sound, ON705-746-4936Open Year Round – Mon. – Sat. 9:30 – 5:30 pmSundays 11 – 4 pm

….told ya it’s a unique newsletter.